Couples Therapy at Wandering Willow
Supporting couples who feel stuck, disconnected or caught in a pattern they don’t know how to change
Couples Therapy Grounded in Connection and Nervous System Safety
As humans, we are wired for connection. Our closest relationships play a powerful role in shaping how safe, supported, and regulated we feel. When those relationships feel strained, distant, or unpredictable, the impact isn’t only emotional — it can show up in the nervous system as stress, threat, or pain.
Research shows that social and relational pain can activate the same areas of the brain as physical pain. This helps explain why conflict, rejection, or emotional disconnection can feel so intense, overwhelming, or hard to move past. Couples therapy works with this reality, recognizing that many relationship struggles are rooted in nervous system responses rather than intentional harm.
Couples therapy offers a space to slow these patterns down, understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and support new ways of relating that foster safety, connection, and repair.
Couples Often Seek Therapy When They’re Experiencing:
✔ Repeating arguments that never seem to resolve
✔ Feeling emotionally disconnected, distant, or misunderstood
✔ Difficulty communicating without shutting down or escalating
✔ Ongoing tension around trust, intimacy, or resentment
✔ Stress related to parenting, illness, work, or major life transitions
✔ Recovering from breaches of trust or emotional injury
You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from couples therapy. Many couples come in because something feels “off,” even if they can’t fully name it yet.
Therapeutic Approaches Used in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy draws primarily from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Gottman Method, two well-researched approaches to relationship work.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT focuses on emotional safety, attachment, and the patterns that shape how couples connect during moments of stress or conflict. The work helps partners:
✔ Identify negative interaction cycles
✔ Understand emotional needs beneath reactions
✔ Create new experiences of responsiveness and connection
EFT is particularly helpful for couples who feel emotionally disconnected or caught in repeating conflict patterns.
The Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach that focuses on strengthening relationship skills and improving communication. Couples therapy informed by Gottman principles may include work around:
✔ Understanding conflict styles
✔ Improving communication and repair
✔ Building friendship, trust, and shared meaning
✔ Reducing patterns that predict relationship distress
These approaches are integrated thoughtfully, rather than applied rigidly, based on the needs and dynamics of each couple.
What Couples Therapy Sessions Are Like
At the foundation of couples therapy is the understanding that the cycle is the problem — not either partner.
In every relationship, partners can get caught in repeating patterns of interaction, especially during moments of stress, conflict, or disconnection. These cycles often develop as attempts to protect the relationship or oneself, even when they end up creating more distance or pain over time.
Couples therapy focuses on slowing these cycles down and helping both partners see how the pattern unfolds between them. Rather than assigning blame or determining who is “right,” therapy works to identify what happens in moments of escalation or withdrawal, what each partner is experiencing internally, and what the cycle is trying to protect.
Sessions are structured to support safety and balance. Therapy may involve:
✓ Noticing interaction patterns as they happen
✓ Understanding emotional and nervous system responses beneath reactions
✓ Learning how to interrupt unhelpful cycles and support repair
✓ Creating new ways of responding that foster connection and understanding
Couples therapy is not about fixing one partner or deciding who needs to change. It is about understanding what happens between you and creating space for new, more supportive patterns to emerge.
Getting Started
Finding the right couples therapist is about fit. A consultation offers space to talk about what’s bringing you in, ask questions, and get a sense of how I work before deciding on next steps.
If you’re feeling unsure but curious, that’s often a good place to begin.